EA Guingamp 2 USL Dunkerque 1

September 25, 2025September 25, 2025 / martinpbrooks / Leave a comment

Guingamp (Gwengamp in the local Breton language, and pronounced gangomp) is a small town of only seven or eight thousand people, which sits on a rocky escarpment above the River Trieux in the heavily agricultural north-west corner of France. For thirteen seasons since 1995, this tiny rural town with a population smaller than Beccles, Mildenhall or Woodbridge had a team in the top division of French football, and also won the French FA Cup (the Coupe de France) twice in that time. But more than that, the name ‘Guingamp’ is just beautiful to the ears, the club plays at the wonderfully named Stade de Roudourou and when Guingamp reached the final of the Coupe de France in Paris, some fans travelled there by tractor. For these reasons, I am fulfilling an ambition today in making a 160-kilometre pilgrimage from where my wife Paulene and I are staying on holiday in Carnac in the south-west of Brittany.

Our journey is elongated a bit by a stopping off north of the topographically scintillating town of Morlaix, 60 km west of Guingamp to visit the huge six-thousand year old Neolitihic cairn at Barnenez, but we eventually rock up in good time in Guingamp to buy two tickets for the match (26.00 euros each) at the club ‘boutik’ in the town, along with a petit fanion (pennant) and fridge magnet (6.50 euros for the two) for my respective pointless collections. Disappointingly, the T-shirts showing a representation of the town of Guingamp through its most prominent buildings such as the basilica and hotel de ville is only available in bizarrely small or large sizes, and whilst I’d like a mug that displays the same design, it would probably just sit on a shelf above the petit fanions overlooking the fridge magnet, and with a little thought I could surely spend that 12 euros doing good. More happily, the very pretty shop assistant, whose name, I think, from what it says on our tickets may be Angelique compliments me on my French, although after initial exchanges we mainly speak in English.

Our hotel room for the night is in a grand nineteenth century house not far from the town centre, but it is a half an hour’s walk from Stade Roudourou and Paulene’s asthma will not stand that once the cold night air surrounds us after 10:30 when the match will probably finish. Sadly, there is no ‘navette’ (shuttle bus service) to the stadium, but on the advice of the two very helpful ladies in the local Tourist Information Office we make a short car journey across town to the Place St Saveur where we park up our planet saving Citroen e-C4 at no cost. Remarkably nearly all car parking in Guingamp seems to be free. From the car park, we can see the floodlights of the stadium, and the walk to the Stade Roudourou takes us only a few minutes over the shallow looking, gurgling River Trieux and down a few closed off streets. The stadium is situated in a residential area which has the appearance of one of the banlieus of a much larger town and is enclosed behind iron fences as if fortified against the outside world, an impression further strengthened by the harsh steel and concrete architecture of the stadium, which is in some ways is at odds with the stone buildings of the town but is perhaps also a modern and cost effective version of them.

The walk to our seats in the Tribune France Barnums (presumably named after a sponsor) takes us around the back of the main stand (the Tribune Cotes d’Amour) past a small wooden hut from which two middle-aged women are selling club souvenirs. I ask if they have any T-shirts like the ones I saw in the shop in the town; they don’t, but nevertheless they laugh either at my description of the very large and very small sizes available in the shop in the town, or just at my French, I’m not sure which. Paulene and I walk on past a skip decorated in club colours and the back of the Kop Rouge where the local Ultras will later gather.

The back of the Tribune Frace Barnums is the least attractive of the four sides of the Stade Roudourou, consisting mostly of sheet metal, but undeterred I make my way in past a smiling member of security staff who frisks me and wishes me ‘Bon match’ under the somewhat glaring eye of another member of security staff whose demeanour suggests she does not approve of such bonhomie. With our tickets duly validated by barcode technology we walk on towards our seats past a classic Renault Estafette van painted in Guingamp colours, from which Angelique of club ‘boutik’ fame is selling hats and scarves and shirts; she confirms that she has no stock of the cherished T-shirts stashed away in the Estafette.

Our entrance to the stand itself, along a corridor, reminds me of the inside of one of carriages on Le Shuttle. Up an external staircase, I am tempted by the ‘pub Lancelot’, only for two teenage doormen and the smell of sandwiches and nibbles wafting out to disappointingly confirm that it is a room reserved for those paying for hospitality. Back downstairs I buy a small plastic cup of beer and a similar cup of the local Breizh Cola (8 euros for the two), which Paulene much prefers to the over-hyped American stuff. We find our seats cosily situated at the back of the lower tier of the stand almost level with the halfway line and next to a galvanised tubular stanchion, which handily ensures people will not be able to edge past us to get to their seats. We pass the time before kick-off making up the life stories of the referee and his assistants, who are warming up in front of us and keeping us amused with their co-ordinated exercises, which with some appropriate music could enable them to pass themselves off as a small all-male dance troupe. One of the assistants we decide looks slightly ill however, and has dark shadows under his eyes. The referee, Monsieur Landry meanwhile, is a tall man with a long body but capable of a neat heel turn, chasse and pirouette.

As kick-off (coupe d’envoi) approaches, the stand fills up with people bearing baguettes stuffed with chips, whilst a row or two in front of us a family unpack homemade sandwiches which appear to be of white sliced bread that has had the crusts cut off, which is not something I ever expected to see in France. Meanwhile, the pitch fills up with youths waving banners with varying degrees of enthusiasm but then, when the teams are read out by the stadium announcer I am shocked, amazed and I have to admit, disturbed to find that unlike everywhere else I’ve ever been in France, the home supporters do not bellow out the surnames of their players as they appear on the big screen in the corner of the ground; they just clap politely. I can’t quite believe it. Being in Brittany I had also expected bagpipe music as the teams trudged out, but It seems these Bretons aren’t like other French or Breton people at all. I am a little disappointed; they don’t even have a cuddly mascot.

When the match eventually begins at half past eight, it is visiting Dunkerque who get first go with the ball, which they generally kick in the direction of the Kop Rouge and far off Morlaix, whilst Guingamp are aiming just to the north of the town centre with its Basilica, castle ruins and huge metal statue of Bambi. Guingamp sport their handsome signature kit of red and black striped shirts with black shorts whilst Dunkerque wear all white with golden squiggles down the shirt front. Despite my disappointment before kick-off, the stadium has now come to life, with a flood of chip and beer quaffing latecomers finding their seats and the Kop Rouge now in full voice with chants of “Allez, Allez, Allez, Guingampaises”. I count thirteen Dunkerque supporters, who I could hear chanting before kick-off, but now they are drowned out by the Guingampaise voices and drums.

The opening play from both teams is fast and slick on the well-watered pitch but Guingamp appear slightly more direct and with only four minutes having passed into history a smart through ball and a low cross from the right lead to the ball being placed past the Dunkerque goalkeeper from about six metres out by Freddy Mbemba, who the interweb tells me is on loan to Guingamp from Charleroi in Belgium. “Buuut” announces the giant screen in the corner in large letters, and when the stadium announcer says “Freddy” the home supporters bellow “Mbemba” and when the announcer says “Freddy” again and the crowd shout “Mbemba” again, and then wonderfully the same thing happens again. It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. “Mbemba!” I shout on cue after the final “Freddy”.

The game continues at pace with Guingamp looking sharper but Dunkerque not appearing to be slouches either. Standing out for Guingamp, mainly but not entirely because he is two metres tall is their number eight, Kalidou Sidibe, whilst I am also impressed by the tangled mop of hair sprouting from behind the black headband of Guingamp’s number thirty-six, Albin Demouchy who often wins headers and elegantly ‘plays-out’ from the back. On the electronic boards around the pitch there are advertisements for John Deere tractors and Husqvarna mini tractors as well as the supermarket E Leclerc, who if they had shops in Britain would surely employ the tv sitcom ‘Allo, ‘Allo in their advertising.

After fourteen minutes Dunkerque win their first corner; Guingamp have already had two however and as if to prove that this matters Guingamp’s Amine Hemia soon beats the square but not square enough Dunkerque defence on the right, bears down on goal and scores into the far corner off the goalkeeper’s out-stretched palm, and Guingamp lead two-nil. “Amine” calls the stadium announcer, “Hemia” bawls the crowd. “Amine” calls the stadium announcer, “Hemia” bawls the crowd. “Amine” calls the stadium announcer, “Hemia” bawls the crowd, and the scoreboard silently but colourfully shouts “Buuut!” as well.

The row of seats in front of us consists mainly of men with grey hair whilst off to our left a younger bearded man looks a bit like Bob Ferris from the 1970’s sitcom The Likely Lads (actor Rodney Bewes). Behind us there is a gathering of men and women in day-glo tabards; if they’re not orchestrating a “gillets jaune” style protest I guess they must be the first aiders and stewards watching the match. At the front of the stand clouds of smoke billow up from teenage vapers and then dissipate into the night air. I notice that Bob Ferris has quite girlish looking hands.

There are now less than ten minutes of the first half remaining; Dunkerque’s number twenty shoots from the edge of the penalty area and the impressively agile and wonderfully named Guingamp goalkeeper Teddy Bartouche tips the shot over the cross bar spectacularly. Two minutes later and yet another move down the right for Guingamp leaves Louis Mafouta with a seemingly open goal, but with the co-ordination of someone whose foot has ‘gone to sleep’ and who has both arms strapped to his sides, he heads the resulting cross hopelessly and clumsily past the far post. On the touchline, Guingamp manager Sylvain Ripoll, who incidentally once said ‘Bonjour’ to me and Paulene in the lift of a Paris hotel (the Mercure near Parc des Princes) looks frustrated in his pale trousers and zip-up jacket.

The last action of the half seems likely to be the substitution of the Dunkerque goalkeeper, who unexpectedly and mysteriously has hurt himself but then a quick pass in from the Dunkerque right finds Enzo Bartelli inside the ‘D’ outside the Guingamp penalty box. Almost in slow motion Bartelli gently passes the ball beyond agile Teddy in the Guingamp goal and Dunkerque, as they say on the telly, are “back in the game”, although of course as long as Monsieur Landry hadn’t terminally parped his whistle, they were never out of it. Five minutes of added on time fail to alter the score any further.

Half-time is the usual melange of children on the pitch, but as before the start, with added flag waving of varying enthusiasm. The match resumes at twenty-four minutes to ten and the Kop Rouge quickly dive back into endless chants of “Allez, Allez, Allez”. I soon decide that for a man taller than your average back garden fence panel, Sidibe has quite a delicate touch and then within ten minutes Monsieur Landry airs his yellow card for the first time this evening after Dunkerque’s Inigo Eguaras fouls Mbemba.

It is Dunkerque who are now selfishly dominating possession, a situation which Guingamp are contributing to by quickly giving the ball back to them whenever they lose it. On the Kop Rouge, the ultras are swirling their scarves in the style of 1970’s Leeds United fans, whilst the big screen in the corner is showing pictures of real estate as if anyone interested in buying a house would pay more attention to the screen than the match. As the people in the ground with least interest in buying property in Guingamp, surprise transfer moves notwithstanding, the Dunkerque players fashion an intricate passing move down the left only for Eddy Silvestre to shoot narrowly over the cross bar. With the game now two-thirds over, Dunkerque blink first and make two substitutions.

The slick passing of the first half has been replaced with increased niggle and Paulene and I discuss the colour of the shorts worn by Dunkerque’s Brazilian number thirty, Abner. They look more yellow than other Dunkerque players’ shorts, which Paulene attributes to his frequent falling over on the wet grass, whilst I suggest, a little unpleasantly perhaps, that maybe he ‘forgot to go’ before he left the dressing room. Twenty minutes remain and Eddy Silvestre shoots over the bar again for Dunkerque whilst the Kop Rouge sways with a sea of banners and the towering Kalidou Sidibe is replaced by a man with hair reminiscent of the late Tina Turner, Tanguy Ahile.

Somewhat annoyingly, the final ten minutes of normal time dissolve into something like chaos and nothing like football as players of both teams proceed to fall to the ground with alarming frequency. If all the players who go down have genuine injuries, both clubs will need to be trawling the job centres of Brittany and Pas de Calais in the morning for additional physiotherapists. Monsieur Landry, meanwhile, is rushed off his feet, airing his yellow card four more times and showing his red card to someone in the Dunkerque dugout. Six minutes of added time are not so much played out, as acted out, and the final whistle comes as a blessed relief to all. The result lifts Guingamp to eighth in the Ligue 2 table, a point outside the barrage (play-off) places, whilst Dunkerque slide down to fourth from bottom, one above the relegation places.

Despite the weirdness of the last ten minutes, and the unexpected pre-match disappointments over T-shirts, bagpipes and the reading out of the players’ names, overall, the match has been a good one and everything has worked out fine; well except for the T-shirt and the bagpipes, but you can’t have everything. We therefore make our way back to our planet saving Citroen in good spirits, like all but thirteen of the 6,562 strong crowd, but who knows, they probably enjoyed it too.

ASC St Anne d’Auray 1 Avenir Guiscriff 3

September 16, 2025September 16, 2025 / martinpbrooks / 4 Comments

One of the best things about visiting France in September is being able to catch a game in the early rounds of the Coupe de France when the competition is still regionally based and there are ample opportunities to see village teams slug it out in quest of the sort of glory only village teams can enjoy.

Having arrived in Brittany just yesterday, after an overnight stop in Le Mans, I can’t be bothered to travel far from where my wife Paulene and I are staying in Carnac, added to which it’s a grey, miserable day and when if it’s not full-on raining there is a steady drizzle as if the Atlantic Ocean is stealthily relocating itself slightly inland. After consulting the list of fixtures on the Ligue Bretagne de Foot website I have whittled the possibilities down to US Brec’h v Av.Campeneac-Augan or ASC Saint Anne d’Auray v Avenir Guiscriff. Both are between twenty and twenty-five minutes away by planet saving Citroen e-C4 but St Anne-d’Auray ASC have a grass pitch as opposed to a plastic one, and taking a chance on the rain having not caused a postponement I decide that I would rather see people getting muddy than getting friction burns, and so I head for St Anne d’Auray.

St Anne-d’Auray is a curious place, a village with a population of less than 3,000 people but also the location of the third most visited pilgrimage site in France after Lourdes and Lisieux, as a result of which, and also because of which, it also has a huge basilica. Wikipedia tells us that St Anne-d’Auray became a site of pilgrimage after a pious farmer in the early 17^th century kept having persistent visions of St Anne, who somewhat weirdly told him to rebuild a chapel which had been demolished about 900 years previously. The farmer must have been a sort of renaissance era Nigel Farage figure as people were evidently keen to believe his unlikely tales, the chapel was built, and by the 1870’s had become the present basilica.

As a I drive into St Anne d’Auray along the D17, through the early afternoon gloom the tower of the basilica looms above the roof tops wreathed in low cloud. A left turn takes me down the Rue de General de Gaulle and to the Stade Municipal where luck shines upon me and a car is leaving the otherwise full car park just as I arrive. I park up and step out of my planet saving electric Citroen, and my nostrils are assaulted by the acrid smell of barbecue smoke. I saunter through the gates to the Stade Municipal in my long navy-blue raincoat and join the throng of local inhabitants socialising, drinking and generally enjoying themselves in a sort of impromptu ‘fanzone’ where everybody seems to know everyone else. Entry to the match is free of charge with the football club clearly being content with the income from beer, wine, coffee and food.

Kick-off is advertised as being at three o’clock but it’s nine minutes past by the time the two teams emerge from the dressing rooms and trudge their way to the pitch behind the referee and his assistants, the clumping of their metal boot studs on the tarmac sounding like a marching army and the basilica providing a suitably religious back drop for a Sunday afternoon. The tarmac driveway passes through a gap in an impressive row of tall oak trees that line the east side of the stade, which has no stand, just a tarmac path all around and a metal rail surrounding the pitch. After photos and the usual cursory handshakes, the teams line up and after an initial ‘ceremonial’ kick off by a bearded and balding man, it is visiting Guiscriff AV who get first go with the ball, sending it mostly in the rough direction of the nearby town of Auray, whilst the home team shoot towards the basilica. St Anne d’Auray wear a kit of red shirts and black shorts whilst Guiscriff are adorned in all navy blue with gold or beige chevron on their chests.

The crowd of at least two hundred is enthusiastic and congregates on each side of the pitch behind the well-maintained metal rail. Guiscriff is a village 84 kilometres away to the northwest near Quimper, is about an hour and ten minutes’ drive away, and a good number of visiting supporters have travelled, including a man carrying a blue, cuddly, toy rabbit, which I assume is some sort of mascot, but he could just be a friend or comfort. The stadium has no flood lights but although it’s a grey afternoon, it’s not so grey that these are going to be needed.

Just two minutes pass and a cute through ball down the left from the Guiscriff number nine sends their number eleven away into the penalty area where he comfortably slips the ball past the St Anne d’Auray goalkeeper to give the away team a very early lead. After the excitement of the start of the match and the teams marching to the pitch, the home supporters now appear as religious followers whose tenets of faith have suddenly all been disproved. But whilst 84km apart geographically, the two sides are at the same level in the regional league, so all is by no means lost just yet, although when the bells of the basilica start to toll the sound is somewhat ominous. The away supporters meanwhile are delirious and having visions of the fourth round.

Happily, the shock of going behind is soon processed mentally and the noisiest home supporters assembled opposite the team dugouts are quickly in good voice again with chants of “Aux Armes”. An adversarial atmosphere is stoked as there are enough away supporters to render a few decent chants of “Allez les bleus” too. On the pitch, the balding number five and number eight for St Anne d’Auray appear influential but Guiscriff are holding firm quite comfortably, with the home team’s forays forward mostly foundering on slippery grass, offsides and shoves and pushes that the referee (l’arbitre en Francais) Monsieur Romain Betrom spots but the home supporters don’t.

It’s now twenty-two minutes past three and it’s beginning to look like St Anne will struggle to reverse the early deficit but then almost miraculously there’s a careless trip and Monsieur Betrom is pointing to the penalty spot. After a long lecture from Monsieur Betrom and eventually a yellow card (carton jaune) for Guiscriff’s number five, who I can only think postulated an alternative view of events a little too vigorously, the rangy number ten for St Anne d’Auray steps up to score, a good two minutes after the penalty kick had first been awarded.

With the scores level the whole match begins to even out and Guiscriff no longer look the better team. At twenty-five to four St Anne d’Auray win a free kick, which ends up in the back of the Guiscriff net courtesy of one of their own player’s boots, but Monsieur Betrom disallows the ‘goal’ for pushing, shoving, holding, blocking or a combination of the four. There was certainly a lot going on in the penalty area with fouls likely being committed by both sides; Monsieur Betrom clearly took the view that if in doubt just pretend the whole incident never happened and leave the score as it is, and who can blame him?

I wander around the ground taking the game in from different angles and enjoying the grey afternoon scene against the backdrop of oak trees and the tower of the basilica beyond. Briefly I stand close to the village ‘ultras’, who are mostly teenagers but are well equipped with banners, two empty oil drums for percussion and a loud hailer. Not long after I settle against the rail just beyond the bulk of the more boisterous home support, Monsieur Betrom makes a decision that will probably define the match, as he shows his carton rouge (red card) to the St Anne d’Auray number eleven. There is an inevitable delay as this is discussed but eventually number eleven makes his way towards the gap in the tall oak trees and back to the changing rooms.

Inevitably Monsieur Betrom’s decision is not a wholly popular one and there is much braying amongst the home crowd. I exchange raised eyebrows with a middle-aged man a metre or two away along the rail and then move next to him when he speaks to me. Happily, the extent of his English and my French seem vaguely complimentary, and in a somewhat stilted way we are able to discuss the Coupe de France, the match and Monsieur Betrom, the man even does an impression of Donald Trump. Half-time (mi-temps) arrives and is accompanied by a sudden increase in precipitation, so I turn up the collar on my coat. The man, who I will later learn is called Frederique invites me to join him and his friend Patrick at the bar. He jokingly suggests we can talk about Brexit, which I suspect he feels as disappointed about as I do. At the bar, Patrick very kindly buys me a beer, and Frederique introduces me to several other people including the local mayor a small, kindly looking man with a big moustache, and another friend, Jean Baptiste.

When the football resumes, I stand near the dugouts with Frederique and Patrick and try to avoid the rain, which is now coming straight at us, from getting into my beer. The match continues in much the same vein as it did in the first half and Guiscriff seem incapable of making any advantage of their extra player. The Guiscriff coach strides up and down the touchline seemingly talking to himself but possibly cursing his players. When his goalkeeper concedes a free kick by picking up a back pass, he almost has a seizure. Monsieur Betrom meanwhile, a thin, gaunt looking man much younger than his two assistants, one of whom has grey hair, spends much of his time brandishing his carton jaune. For every one of the many bookings he delivers he stands to attention, with his card holding arm at 45 degrees, a pose he holds for a full two or three seconds as if at some sort of Nuremburg rally for referees.

“Carton rouge!” shouts Frederique for as many fouls as he thinks he can, which amuses a short elderly couple stood next to me, and then “Allez l’arbitre!”. The game proceeds through the continuing gloom although happily the rain stops falling. Substitutions are made, but no resolution seems in sight until suddenly by way of another miracle there is an ill-judged, attempted tackle on the edge of the St Anne d’Auray penalty area, and for the second time this afternoon monsieur Betrom points to the penalty spot. The penalty is scored and with less than ten minutes left to play Guiscriff are once again heading for round four.

No more than five minutes later, Guiscriff lead 3-1 after a sequence of a corner, a shot and a deflection concludes with ball nestling once more in the back of the St Anne d’Auray goal net. It’s a disappointing end to the afternoon for St Anne d’Auray and matters get slightly worse when there is a contretemps between a local and a man in a Guiscriff sports coat. Glaring looks are exchanged, beer is spilt and the game stops as the matter is discussed by the referee, one of his assistants and a man wearing an armband who I assume is the delegue principal, a sort of fourth official. “Just football” says Frederique philosophically.

With the final whistle, the celebrations from the Guiscriff players and supporters are ecstatic, winning a Coupe de France tie means a lot. With Frederique, Patrick and Jean-Baptiste I turn away and head for the gap between the tall oaks. Frederique asks if I am coming back to the bar with them, but reluctantly I must turn down their invitation as my wife Paulene is waiting for me back in Carnac.

Despite the rain, the gloom and the disappointing result for the home team it’s been another wonderful afternoon in the Coupe de France, and my love for this competition and all things French has just received another layer of gloss, although I’ve not learned anything new except perhaps that St Anne was possibly not a football fan, but given that she was supposedly the Virgin Mary’s mum, I never thought she was.

Le Mans FC 0 Rodez Aveyron Foot 1

September 15, 2025September 25, 2025 / martinpbrooks / Leave a comment

If travelling from where the channel tunnel burrows its way out from beneath the water into France across to Carnac in Britanny, there are several towns where it is convenient to make an overnight stop and, if you’re that way inclined (and I am), take in a football match. Having previously enjoyed stops in Rouen, Caen and Rennes, this year it is the turn of Le Mans, whose team are hosting Rodez AF in Ligue 2, the French version of England’s Championship but with smaller budgets and better architecture. According to the ‘Football’ Le guide ultime magazine, Le Mans have the joint smallest budget in Ligue 2 this season (5.0m euros), whilst Rodez have the next smallest (7.0m euros).

Our hotel is in a leafy suburb of tower blocks just 200 metres from the Ile de Sport tram stop from where it is a 35-minute journey (e1.50 or e2.90 for a return) changing from tram Line 2 to tram Line 1 at St Martin, to the Stade Marie-Marvingt. This afternoon there is a large, six-wheeled luxury coach in the car park of the hotel and from a short and stilted conversation with the driver I learn that he is driving the Rodez team from the hotel to the stadium. I photograph the coach with the Rodez club badge displayed in the front window as the driver stands back proudly but out of shot. I am tempted to ask for a lift to the stadium but don’t want to miss out on the tram ride to the match, something which makes me pretend I’m Albert Camus. In the hotel lobby, bored looking blokes in grey matching tracksuits hang about mournfully. I wish a couple of them ‘bon match’ and tell them my team is Ipswich Town, it doesn’t appear to relieve their boredom, but pleasingly they have heard of Ipswich Town.

The match is due to kick off at eight o’clock, but keen to immerse ourselves in the pre-match atmosphere my wife Paulene and I head for the tram stop around six, before the team bus has left the hotel. We just miss one tram as I fumble with my bank card at the ticket machine, but another soon arrives, and we are lucky enough to get a seat each. It’s a mild but cloudy evening as we pass through tram stops with names such as Durand-Vaillant, Goya and Gionnieres and on through the uninteresting outskirts arriving eventually at the terminus close to the stadium, the tram depot and the world-famous racing car circuit.

It’s only a short walk from the tram terminus to the stadium, but we accidentally make it longer by walking in the wrong direction, inexplicably failing to follow our fellow would-be spectators as we alight from the tram. Oddly, despite the size of the Stade Marie-Marvingt (it has a capacity in excess of 25,000), it is not visible above the trees. Adjacent to the stadium is a large surface car park, which, showing an impressively sensible double use of the land is roofed by banks of solar panels. A wall surrounds the stadium with blocks of automatic turnstiles at points along it. The approach to the turnstiles features a series of information boards about Marie-Marvingt after whom the stadium is named. Marie was a remarkable woman who not only spied and flew planes for the French Army during World War One but was an accomplished mountaineer. Once inside we are frisked and wished ‘bon match’ by smiling security staff before a very helpful man directs us to the gate nearest our seats, and the club boutique, a lock-up hatch, where in the absence of a petit-fanion or fridge magnet I will later buy a key ring to add obsessively to my collection of French football club souvenirs.

Having located our seats (25 euros each), I decide to explore and discover I can make a complete circuit of the stadium. It’s something of a lazy cliché to describe a modern stadium like the Stade Marie-Marvingt as a ‘soulless bowl’ and on the outside at least it is nothing like the metal-clad B&Q lookalikes found in England as its metal stairs and landings are exposed and sit beneath an elliptical, overhanging roof supported by what look like miniature versions of the Skylon from the Festival of Britain. Having enjoyed the architecture, I buy a beer (7 euros plus 2 euros for an optional re-usable cup featuring club colours and crest) and a bottle of water for Paulene (2 euros) from a buvette where the attractive young woman who serves me has a heavily tattooed decolletage, which I don’t like to look at too closely given its location.

After returning to my seat, Paulene and I pass the time until kick-off laughing at the referee and his assistants as they warm up and rolling our eyes because of the drippy europop being played over the public address system. Eventually, a sort of crescendo is reached, and the floodlights begin to flash on and off like some I’ve seen at non-league grounds, although at them it wasn’t intentional. This is the signal for the teams to process onto the pitch amidst the usual display of flags and banners before the team line-ups are read out and I join in with the home supporters in shouting out the Le Mans players’ surnames, my favourites amongst which are Rossignol and Vercruysse.

When the kick-off, or coupe d’envoi, finally happens it is Le Mans who get first go with the ball playing it back before punting it forward in the direction of the city centre and the medieval cathedral of Saint Julian with its fabulous stained glass; Rodez are playing towards the tram terminus. Le Mans wear red and yellow striped shirts with red shorts although from behind they are all in red; Rodez meanwhile sport an all-white creation with black trim, which looks the same from any angle. From the start, and indeed since before it, the Le Mans fans behind the goal which Rodez are ‘attacking’ have been in fine voice with continuous chants of “Allez Le Mans” and “Aux Armes”. I text my friend Mick back in blighty and send him a photo of the Le Mans fans. He texts back to say they look like hedonists.

On the pitch, my attention is soon taken by the Le Mans numbers five and twenty-one, Harld Voyer and Theo Eyoum, who have their hair tied back in raffish fashion, whilst I also recognise the Rodez number twenty-seven from the hotel lobby. Early exchanges are cagey with Le Mans enjoying a little more possession but looking unsure what to do with it. At the edge of the pitch behind the Rodez goal I am disappointed by the poor grammar of a Le Mans fan group, or possibly just an individual fan, whose banner reads Fanatic’s. Fanatic’s what? I wonder. Another more literate fan group, perhaps from the top stream at the local lycee, are called ‘Worshippers’, whilst another banner reads ‘IDS Present’ and I begin to wonder why former Tory party leader Ian Duncan Smith would be here. After fifteen minutes Le Mans win a corner. A minute later the first decent chance of the game appears but number twenty-five for Rodez, Nolan Galves boots it high over the cross bar.

Time proceeds to the twentieth minute and coincidentally perhaps the Le Mans number twenty William Harhouz is booked for making the Rodez number five Clement Jolibois roll around on the floor unnecessarily, but seven minutes later a rare display of skill in the form of a neat turn and cross by Le Mans’ eighteen, Lucas Buades ends with number twenty-five, Dame Gueye producing a spectacular overhead kick, which is so spectacular it clears the cross bar. More drama ensues after some odd refereeing from Monsieur Aurelien Petit who plays-on whilst Le Mans have the ball, only to then stop play and give a free-kick to Rodez, whose number twenty-eight Mathis Saka is subsequently carried off on a stretcher.

The match rolls on towards half-time, rarely threatening to produce a goal but instead producing the yellow card from the pocket of Monsieur Petit another five times whilst an aeroplane buzzes overhead invisibly through the deepening gloom of dusk. Five minutes of additional time are played during which the last two yellow cards of the half are shown, one for a player of each team, and then it is mi-temps.

The football resumes at five minutes past nine with a boot into touch but things soon improve with a spectacular save from the Rodez goalkeeper Quentin Braat after a free-kick to Le Mans and a close range shot, which would surely have beaten Braat had it not been so weak. At the back for Rodez it seems that number four Mathis Magnin is charged with spraying deep penetrating passes, some of which penetrate too far and result in goal kicks and throw-ins. He nevertheless wears a head band to signal his creativity.

With the sun now having disappeared below the horizon it’s feeling colder, and the breeze previously only felt outside the stadium is finding its way inside; I zip up my jacket. Back on the pitch, the Rodez number five Clement Jolibois appears to be channelling the spirit of Terry Butcher as he strides about with a bandage around the top of his head, although there is no visible trace of gore. There doesn’t seem much prospect of a goal either, but then with a fraction more than thirty minutes of normal time remaining Rodez’s number fifteen, Jean Lambert Evans produces a cross from the left which allows number eleven Tairyk Arconte, who is stood all alone at the near post to head in the limpest looking goal I’ve seen in some time. Happily, for the fifteen away supporters I have counted, who have apparently made the 6 hour 20 minute, 657 kilometre journey up from Rodez, the goal is scored at their end of the ground.

The Le Mans coach Patrick Videira, who is unlikely to be confused with former Arsenal captain Patrick Vieira responds to the goal with a mass substitution, bringing on club captain Edwin Quarshie and the popular Erwan Colas as well as Baptiste Guillaume. The change almost works as Le Mans quickly win a corner, but Guillaume volleys over the cross bar from about 10 metres out. Two more substitutes appear just a few minutes later in the shape of Brice Oggad and Isaac Cossier and Rodez have some catching up to do in terms of player replacement, which begins as soon as the seventy-first minute and will be completed a mere nine minutes later.

With seventeen minutes of normal time remaining the opportunity to more or less guarantee victory presents itself to Rodez but although stood with the whole goal before him, recent substitute Ibrahima Balde cannot beat Nicolas Kocik in the Le Mans goal and merely wins a corner, not the match. Meanwhile, I am becoming tetchy due to the pungent smell of the body spray or aftershave of the man sat in front of me. I wonder to myself if his toiletries are becoming more active as the tension of the game mounts.

Le Mans twice come close to equalising in the increasingly frantic final fifteen minutes with Quarshie shooting too high and then having another shot expertly tipped over the cross bar. Brice Oggad also has a shot following a corner in what will prove to be the last decent opportunity for anyone to score, but he ‘shanks it’ high and wide. The four minutes of added on time seem pretty solid when held up on the electronic display by the fourth official, but like grains of sand they slip through Le Mans’ fingers and the game ends.

On the walk back to the tram terminus Paulene and I agree that overall Rodez were the better team even if Le Mans had most of the possession. We also agree that whilst it’s not been a particularly good match, it’s been an enjoyable one and I am therefore able to report that the best thing about the evening has not been the tram ride, although that was pretty good too.